The First Year, and Your First Argument

The First Year, and Your First Argument // Young Wives ClubI have to be honest with you, I don’t even remember our first argument or disagreement. That’s how insignificant it was. It was stupid and petty, and honestly I don’t feel bad for not remembering it. Does that mean it wasn’t difficult at the time? Not at all. In fact the whole of it hurt.  

They say the first argument is always the hardest. But I suppose it really depends on your definition of “argument.” In our home, I don’t think we’ve ever had a literal, heated argument. We have had a few disagreements over the two years we’ve been married. Voices were never raised, feelings may have been bruised, and nothing was said to be regretted later. I understand, however, that may have not been the case for you. Let me encourage you and offer some insight into what I have learned.

I may not know what you argued or disagreed about, but that doesn’t change this fact: You love him and he loves you. You married each other for goodness’ sake! So lay aside everything that hurt you, said in the heat of the moment. More than likely, he didn’t mean it and neither did you. I hate to pop your newly-wedded bliss bubble, but remember that you married another flawed human being, like yourself. It’s frustrating and difficult but this is what you signed up for when you said “I do.”

However remembering your love for him doesn’t change the hurt you feel or the words that were said. That’s the tricky thing about words, once spoken they cannot be unsaid. But don’t focus on just your hurts to the point of thinking only of yourself. Consider that your husband could possibly be hurt too.

Depending on circumstances, maybe this argument/disagreement fell close to bedtime. And perhaps you’ve heard you shouldn’t go to bed angry. I’m a firm believer in working things out before bed. The Bible actually addresses this very question: 

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26, ESV*)

I don’t know about you, but I have trouble sleeping until I make up with my husband. I can’t explain it, it just takes up my mind and I can’t stop. My feelings could still be hurt, I might still be upset, but I still crave the reassurance that comes with resolution.

If talking it out before bed is possible, I couldn’t encourage this more. You will sleep with peace of mind. Before you seek your spouse out to apologize, pray. Ask God to show you where you were wrong (yeah, you read that right!), whether it’s how you reacted or how you spoke. Then ask Him to help you improve in that area. Finally, thank Him for your husband and pray for your guy. Pray for his heart. Forgive your man in your heart before you talk with him.

But obviously, I don’t know your situation. Maybe it’s late at night and you have work or classes early in the morning. If that’s the case and you need to get to bed, and talking it out isn’t an option, I advise you to remember why you fell in love with your man to begin with, and then write him a letter. I don’t know what you argued about. Maybe it was something stupid or maybe the awful day you or he had affected your attitude(s). But apologize for anything hurtful you may have said. Then, even though he hasn’t apologized yet, tell him you forgive him. Lastly, before you try to sleep, I encourage you to pray. Pray for him, pray for you. Let God do the rest.

This too, shall pass. Misunderstandings and disagreements are rare for us, but if they seem to be recurring for you and your husband, seek Godly counsel. There could be something at the heart of the matter that neither of you have considered. My last bit of advice for you, is to always seek the good in your husband and don’t take things personally all the time. Your husband loves you, and he isn’t out to get you or make you mad by everything he does (or doesn’t do). He isn’t the enemy here. I hope you found this encouraging!

The First Year, and Your First Argument // Young Wives Club
Rosie Lapp

Vice President of Operations

Rosie Lapp is a wife to a wonderful man and a mother to two of the cutest little boys. Seeking authenticity in every day, she strives to live without regrets and be bold; loving God and her family fearlessly. She endeavors to cultivate her love for Christ in all she does, whether she’s tending to household chores, the little ones, or writing away on a blog post or her latest project. It’s her passion to uplift and encourage young women, pointing them back to their Creator. There’s nothing she enjoys more than ministering to her family and others.

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