After being told I couldn’t become pregnant without medical intervention, the Lord blessed us and our angel baby arrived in the summer of 2017. I love my curious little guy. He brightens my world and I cannot imagine life without him. But truthfully, I don’t love motherhood. I feel guilty admitting it and wonder if I’ll be judged for my honesty. I’m blessed to be at home with my child, but often feel alone. Frequently, I’m met with mamas whose life goal is to procreate and that’s just not how it is for me. I’ve spent many evenings crying out to God in frustration, feeling underutilized and unimportant. Every time, he’s comforted me with the fact that I am more than just a mama and I will do more in my life than watch over little ones. But for now, motherhood is my calling and I must rise to it.
Contentment is found in Jesus, not my job description.
One of the most powerful truths I’ve embraced is that, regardless of what I’m doing, contentment is found in Christ alone. Even if we achieve our greatest dreams, there will be disappointments and struggles that force us to fall back on the Father.
In fact, being comfortable and completely filled by our current station is dangerous. It’s in those moments that we are tempted with the lie that we are enough and our successes are for our glory alone. There is an equal risk of this if our dream is to provide medical care in Ghana or apply band-aids and kisses on an energetic three-year-old. Because of this, we have to constantly be on our guard and intentionally seeking Christ as our center wherever we find ourselves.
There is a time for everything and dwelling on the dream only distracts from the present.
I wholeheartedly believe that the day will come when my calling shifts away from childrearing. When? I have no idea nor do I know what that will look like. If I spend every waking moment longing for a big opportunity to drop in my lap, I will neglect the opportunity and calling gifted to me in the present: my children.
One thing I didn’t fully understand before having our son is how fast babies grow. Time has never flashed before my eyes so quickly. On the long days, it feels like the baby stage will never end, but inevitably, the day will come when my son no longer needs me. Until then, I am tasked with pouring into him in the here and now. Obsessing over what could-be only distracts me from the opportunity.
Motherhood is truly the greatest thing I will do in this lifetime.
A while back, I wrote an article that shared, what I believe, is the heart of God for mothers: “Our greatest success as mothers is raising Children to know Christ.” There’s nothing in this statement that says I must have the dream of being a mother to rise to the calling. In fact, the Bible is full of examples of people who probably wanted to be somewhere else doing something else, but chose to be obedient. That is how I feel about motherhood. My job is to show up every single day and trust that the Lord knows exactly what he’s doing with me here. The Bible says that his plans are for my good and I have to believe this season falls directly into that promise.
The alternative for Dreamer Mamas is not pretty.
In this season, the “could-be’s” take away from the blessings – AKA our children – given to us. They tell us that our dreams are more important than the precious little ones in our care. As the lie grows, it suggests that it’s okay to resent those little ones and soon, we are way beyond the point of dissatisfaction as a mother. We flirt with the line of questioning why God allowed our children to be born in the first place. I know this sounds drastic, but it’s a natural progression. If we dwell on our dreams, we’ll eventually look for someone to blame for why those dreams aren’t yet a reality. And our children will be perfectly positioned targets for our wrath.
You may have become a mama on purpose or by accident, either way, you are called to be intentional in this season of motherhood. Despite what you may believe, this is not the end of your life and no amount of agonizing will speed up time. The Word of God tells us to take every thought captive, and that’s exactly what we must do when the lies creep in. Motherhood does not make us less worthy. On the contrary, it’s an incredible opportunity to instill life and the love of Jesus Christ into our little ones.
Can a mama be more while being in the season of motherhood?
You may be wondering if it’s possible to be a mama and something else while pleasing the Lord. Different sects of Christianity offer different answers to this question so the answer is not always clear. After studying the Word of God, I wholeheartedly believe it’s okay to be something in addition to a mother. But it becomes a sin when those other things or dreams take precedence. Just like it becomes a sin to dream when we spend more time longing than dwelling in the present.
If you can work a full-time job and still devote yourself to the discipleship of your children, then press on! If you feel a need to be completely devoted to motherhood in order to do your job well, then embrace this short season! Call upon the Lord in you’re unsure and he will bring the clarification you need.
My motherhood struggles don’t impact the love I have for my son. I love him as much as those fully-fulfilled mothers. On the flipside, feeling a drive to do things beyond housework and childrearing doesn’t make me any better. It’s easy to cast judgment on other mothers, but it’s counterproductive. We are all called to be in this season of motherhood, for better or worse. That doesn’t mean we are commissioned to walk out that calling in an identical manner.
I am, and always will be, unashamed of my big dreams because God allowed me to dream them up. For a reason I don’t currently know, he planted those seeds in my heart. Today, he is asking me to trust, be patient, and be faithful to the call at hand. There are things he wants me to learn in this time that are crucial for what is ahead. I don’t want to miss the opportunities or the precious moments with my son. He’s only little once and my desire is to make the most of it.
To God be the glory even if my dreams are nudging me somewhere else.