Christian wives across the world often find themselves wondering, “Why isn’t my husband leading in this way?” or “Why doesn’t he want to study the Bible?” For many women, there is a real concern there. If our men are supposed to shepherd our hearts and the hearts of our children, it’s important that they are tuned in to the Word of God.
It can be frustrating and we often respond with less than kind accusations about our husband’s care for our family.
But nagging never really got anyone anywhere. We would be wise to remember that.
In my own marriage, I’ve found some unexpected ways that have encouraged my sweet hubs to seek God in his Word.
1. Ask the Right Questions
Firstly, I want to confront the know-it-all inside all of us. Unless you’re around your husband 100% of the time, you really can’t know for sure if he is or isn’t reading scripture. The only way to know is to ask.
Rather than angrily asking, “Do you even read your bible?!” which is disrespectful, you can kindly ask about what he’s been learning lately or what he’s reading right now. Assume the best.
My husband wakes up before the sun and is out the door before my beauty sleep comes to an end. He studies his bible before he leaves for work. I almost never see him doing so unless by some miracle (or curse?) I wake up before 6:45am. He also reads when he has downtime at work, another thing I’m not around to witness.
By asking the right questions with the right tone, we may find our assumptions to be incorrect. And if not, these non-accusing questions could be just what your man needs to hear so that the Holy Spirit can convict him of his need to be in God’s Word.
Also, have some grace. Just because his “quiet time” looks different from yours doesn’t mean he’s not growing in godliness.
This one’s a given and yet we so often forget. Women struggle to remember that we truly have no ultimate control over our husbands. And praying brings that to the forefront of our minds. Which is a good thing.
We are prone to try to “fix” things on our own, but I’ve noticed that many times when I pray for my husband in a specific way, God works on him without me. He actually doesn’t need me to fix anything in my husband’s heart. He’s got that covered.
We need to set our requests and hopes for our men at the feet of Jesus–the one who can actually change people.
3. Commit to Studying the Word Yourself
No one likes to be a hypocrite. So don’t be one! Yes, your husband is the spiritual leader of your household, but that doesn’t mean you get to lay back and coast. Women desperately need to study Gods Word too.
When wives commit to seeking a deep knowledge of God through the study of his Word, their husbands notice. It may take days or years, but as you grow in your walk with the Lord and knowledge of Scripture, you may notice a spark of interest on your husband’s part.
Do not make this your motive, though. You should study the Word in search of Jesus, not in search of your husband’s devotional life. But you can pray that God would open your man’s eyes to his need for the Bible as he witnesses God work in your own heart.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV)
4. Invite Your Husband Into Your Study
Another way we can encourage our husbands to desire to study scripture is allowing them to share in our own study.
You can do this by discussing what God is teaching you or something interesting you learned. I love mulling over questions about scripture with my husband. Many times, this really draws him out and creates such good fellowship in our marriage.
Make a habit of inviting your husband into what God is revealing to you. As he sees you asking questions and getting excited about the Word of God, it will spur him on in his own walk with the Lord.
5. Read Together
I think this is a big desire for a lot of women. We want our guys to take the lead and go through scripture with us. This is a fantastic desire! But often, our husbands don’t know about it.
Unspoken expectations are dangerous in marriage. It’s okay and even healthy to ask our husbands to read with us. It isn’t taking the lead, but rather coming alongside as a helper to them by showing that it’s something you desire.
You may be the one initiating at first, but if you keep at it, chances are he will start to ask you, “Wanna read together?”
Our men have a tough job, ladies. They are accountable for much before the Lord. Let’s make it our joy to encourage them as best we can as we walk with them hand in hand, closer to God.
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