What to do When Your Faith and Your Husband’s Aren’t the Same

What to do When Your Faith and Your Husband's Aren't the Same // young-wives.comTruth? Sometimes I don’t want to pray for my husband…actually, there are days when… I don’t want to pray at all – I find in these moments, a persistent quote never fails to present itself saying, “It is in the moments when we don’t want to pray that we NEED to pray.

I think about these words a lot.

Can I be honest for a moment and confess – they are annoying? Annoying in the regard that they’re spot on, and every time I think them, they send me head down walking (albeit forcefully) to my prayer closet.

What to do When Your Faith and Your Husband's Aren't the Same // young-wives.com

Recently, my husband and I celebrated the one-year anniversary of him making a huge faith commitment. Prior to this, we spent 6 years unequally yoked. What does that mean? It means our faith was not aligned, and it’s something the Bible warns us against.

In the beginning of our relationship I didn’t think it was a big deal – love gets you through anything right? Yeah – that was until time went on and our differences morphed into a hindrance – one that I took as my personal purpose to remove which resulted in him no longer wanting to hear what I had to say – and I was the one that led him there.

Anyone else out there a work in progress?

It’s easy to get confused in our walk with Christ, thinking salvation is our job –but that’s not it. We are instructed to know God’s word, and speak it; it is up to other the person to decide whether they will accept or reject – even when it comes to our husbands.

Scripture has a lot to say about us wives.

Proverbs 12:4 (NLT) “A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.”

Proverbs 21:19 (NLT) “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome complaining wife.”

Ephesians 5:22 (NLT) “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”

Proverbs 14:1 (NLT) “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”

Honest reflection over these verses showed me, I was disgraceful, quarrelsome, unsubmitted, and I was foolishly beginning to tear down my home.

Have you been there – OR – Maybe you find yourself there now?

You feel the stress of your faith being one, while your husband’s another. You’ve cried, fought, and now you have no idea what to do…I’ve been there – Keep reading… God met me in the midst of my struggle one day while reading Proverbs 31:10-12 (NLT) “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” I read these words– and instantly – I was broken. Have you ever been broken by a word from the Lord? It is an incredible, painful, and beautiful experience, one where you realize – His word is alive, and even though they were written thousands of years ago, they’re speaking directly to you as though specifically meant for your eyes to see. Reading, “Her husband can trust her,” caused me to crumble in realization that mine couldn’t, which became the tipping point for me.

1 Peter 3:1 (NLT) tells us, “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” Did you read that? “Your godly lives will speak to them without ANY word.”

It wasn’t until I stopped talking, started praying and handled this how God instructed, that I came to understand my husband was in a place with his faith where I couldn’t go. A place where God takes us all individually, a place purposed to strengthen and grow our faith, where we must go alone. As outsiders, our way of helping can only be done through prayer, words of encouragement, and being that place of safety. AND that is HARD especially here, because as wives we often take on the role of problem solvers. We are consistently figuring out how to fit this in our schedule, find that lost sock – remember where we put his shirt, etc., but that method no matter how instinctive – just doesn’t work here.

It took me 3 years to realize I couldn’t problem solve our way out of this one. It required me to step down from my false pedestal of control. When I did, I accepted 1 Peter 3:1 as my promise, one that I stood on daily for another 3 years. In total, it took 6 long years of prayer, fasting and sneaking prayer clothes in his pillow case (yep – I just confessed that) asking God to settle this question in my husband’s mind.  Then one day as we were driving down the road I unexpectedly got to hear the words I’d longed to hear, as he handed me his phone asking me to contact our Pastor – he was ready to make a commitment.

Ladies, our husbands need our prayers, no matter how long those prayers have to be (whether they take minutes, days, or years) – they need them. They don’t need our lectures, our bitterness, disrespect, or belittling. They need our prayers, and our demonstration of who Jesus is. The truth that actions speak louder than words is utterly astounding in its ability to tear down walls, break through strongholds, even serving as a conduit to transferring faith.

If you find yourself struggling with this same misalignment – I encourage you to follow the word of 1 Peter 3:1, stop speaking it, and start living it – and as you do, watch and wait as through your obedience to His word, God holds fast to His.

JD Hartz
JD Hartz


I'm JD and I am a follower of Jesus Christ. It is through him that I have been trusted to become a wife, and mother to four children. I live, breathe, and love the chaos brought on by working full-time outside of the home, becoming the dedicated wife, I am called to be, and raising the energetic little ones God has trusted me to mother. In my free time, I can be found having fun chasing our children around the yard of our home, curled up next to my husband (when we actually find time) catching up on the DVR, or digging into God's word growing more deeply in my relationship with our Heavenly Father.

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