“You can’t change your husband, so make sure he’s the right one. You’re the one going to be sleeping in his armpit, so ultimately it’s your choice.” The older woman gave me her best marriage advice.
I was given that advice many times in our courtship, and it’s very valid. Who we marry is a lifetime commitment; If you’re still in the engagement stage and don’t feel at peace about the wedding and marriage you need to seriously consider whether it is the right time and person.
However, I’ve learnt over the past 5 years of marriage that there are ways we can partner with God to see positive change in our marriages. God doesn’t want us to stay stuck if we feel in a hopeless place.
I prayerfully made a commitment once, that has stood me in good stead, and it was this: to view every situation from every possible angle before making a decision or forming an opinion, and especially to try and see it from God’s perspective.
I heard a story once from a lady who was sharing about how she was praying for her teenage daughter. The daughter was not very interested in youth group and had started hanging out with a bad bunch of friends, which was devastating to the family, of whom both parents were in ministry.
The mother had written Scriptures and pinned them all over her daughter’s room, anointed her daughter’s pillow and prayed viciously and loudly against rebellion and its unruly spiritual crew.
One day God stopped the mother in her prayers and said that He wanted her to get pen and paper and He would show her how He saw her daughter and give her a prayer strategy. She sat down and waited for all the things she should pray against, but God began pouring out His love and giving her His vision for how He saw her daughter. That she was a compassionate, loving, and obedient child full of His revival fire. That she was an anointed worship leader and would bring many into His presence.
The mother wept, and from that day on began to pray that destiny instead of the negative she saw. The situation and daughter’s behavior began to shift, and her daughter quickly became everything that was being spoken over her life.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21 NKJV)
Our thoughts also play a powerful role, and I’ve seen the power of my thoughts, even when I haven’t spoken them out, dictate my future, in both positive and negative ways. Controlling my thoughts has literally meant the difference between life and death for me and my second daughter several times last year.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,… (2 Corinthians 10:4-5 NKJV)
The Bible talks strongly about taking our thoughts captive, and over the past year God has been bringing this to my attention over and over. Our thoughts can be our own, sent from the enemy, or God’s thoughts. If they are not God’s thoughts, we need to be kicking them out the door.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
We can have a thought that flies into our brain like a little bird, but we have the choice of whether we let it nest or not.
What are you thinking about your children or your husband? I’m challenging you to write out every negative thought you have about them for the next 3 days. At the end sit down and ask God how He sees them instead. Ask Him for what He desperately wants them to be walking into and begin partnering with Him and write down that list. Destroy the old and start declaring and praying the new.
There is a difference between speaking what is true (what we see in the natural) and God’s truth (how He sees them.)
While in our own strength we may not be able to change things, we can begin to discover God’s Kingdom principles and partner with Him to see our destinies fulfilled, and our marriages fulfilled, healed and strengthened.
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