We live in a society where everything is sexualized. Movies, pop-stars, magazines, songs, TV, shows, books, and the list could go on and on. We see and hear about sex everywhere we look Christian or not. We don’t even have to go looking for it. It is there staring us in the face whether we want it to be or not. So why then ladies is it so hard to talk about within our marriages, friend groups or our churches? Sex within in marriages isn’t something that should be shuffled under the rug. God created sex within marriage to be an act of uniting with one another. A special bond that is to be celebrated!
As a woman who has been married for 16 years, I am fully aware that there are ups and downs in this area of marriages. Today I really want to address the down times and how we as wives are called to deal with them or eliminate them. I know there are times that wives also deal with husbands who don’t want to be intimate with them as much as they would like but if we are looking at the norm, it is us woman. We are tired, we didn’t feel loved today, we are stressed, we are too busy, it’s too late, we have a headache and whatever other reason we have to skip sex for what probably isn’t the first time this week. It is so easy once we fall into a routine of reasons to just stay sitting in that space. The problem with this scenario is that God calls us to be pleasing to our husbands. He reminds us that our bodies after marriage are no longer ours alone.
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 1 Corinthians 7:4 NIV
He even goes on to give us guidance in withholding sex from one another. If it is agreed upon it should be for a short time of fasting and prayer and then we should reunite.
It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. 1 Corinthians 7:5 MSG
I want to encourage you ladies, newly married or not to explore a sexual relationship with your husband that is healthy for you both. Sometimes that means setting our tiredness, headaches, stress, and lack of wanting aside. God designed your husband to look at you and to find joy in your sexual relationships from the very beginning. We read poems of love and intimacy within His word and if you read in biblical context you will see the need for sexual intimacy for spouses.
Ladies, sex isn’t solely meant for procreation, or for fulfilling our husband’s desires. As I stated before sex is to be a celebration between the two of you. It should at times be all of the above; fun, invigorating, satisfying, necessary, romantic, adventurous, loving, soul connecting, and do we dare even to venture to use the word? Sexy! Find delight in your spouse even when you don’t feel like it and you won’t ALWAYS feel like it.
Quite honestly you don’t have to always feel like it. The best thing you can do in these moments is to be honest with your husband. Be willing, be available and be honest. Sometimes sexual intimacy is all the things mentioned above and sometimes it just simply is what our spouses need and so we oblige. Satan is the great tempter and I don’t know about you but I don’t ever want my husband to be tempted to wander because I am making myself unavailable. Love unselfishly and you will see the joy that either begins or continuous in the bedroom.
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Psalm 5:15-19
Here is a challenge for you: For one week greet your husbands asking or advancing with a yes and see what the change does to your relationship. Don’t meet it grumbling but meet it with joy and excitement! Sex is not something that we should be ashamed of or afraid to talk about. It should be something that we are enjoying and celebrating. God designed marriage with sexual intimacy as big part of us connecting with our spouses. Don’t lose the connection that bonds you together in a way that no man shall separate!
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