I remember having a conversation with my Grandpa a while back about marriage. As a retired minister, he’s led dozens of couples through premarital counseling. So, I was quite interested in hearing his thoughts on what can make or break a relationship in those first years of marriage. What he said surprised me. It wasn’t “pick your battles” or “do couples’ devotions,” though I’m sure he would advocate both of those if asked directly. Instead, he pointed me to something more obscure: love languages.
At first glance, love languages can seem like a simple personality test. But unlike any other test I’ve taken – and believe me, I’ve done my fair share – finding out how my husband exhibits love was a game changer for understanding him and strengthening my marriage. I discovered my primary love languages are not necessarily his. Which means that how I naturally show love doesn’t always translate the same to him and vice versa! I had to become intentional about communicating love in a way that connects with his types. In this case, quality time.
Decide He’s Worth It
I’ll admit, sometimes it’s a challenge carving out dedicated time to spend with my husband. As much as I love just being with him, there are always have a dozen other things that need to be done.
Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, a DIY project…regardless of what “pressing issues” are at hand, we must recognize that there will always be something else vying for our attention. And though we might think that those things just can’t wait, they can be done some other time.
Prioritizing our men starts by acknowledging that sacrificing a few, productive moments for one-on-one time will pay off in the long run. Especially if quality time isn’t our gifting, we can overlook the value of giving him our attention. We might think that we are showing love by keeping things clean, but quality time men need undivided attention. Saying, “I love you,” is simply not enough. And once we accept this, we open up the door for a beautiful, vibrant relationship full of wonderful memories.
Intentionally Plan Time With Him
Mark it on your calendar. Hire a sitter. Get up early to do the laundry. Whatever it takes, make dedicated time with him a priority. It doesn’t matter if you spend every non-working moment together. Designated, one-on-one time solely focused on him is so important in building and maintaining a long-lasting bond.
Growing up, my quality time Dad would come home late from work and watch TV with me. Even as young as four, I remember spending large chunks of time with him being incorporated in whatever else he was doing. If there was distance, he’d call before bed. The logistics of the time spent together wasn’t important. What mattered to him (and me!) is that he was intentional to focus give me his time.
Quality-time husbands desire the same from their wives. Undisturbed moments together are not only the equivalent of the words “I love you,” but translate to the deeper, more satisfying love that we all crave. It’s not that these men fail to see value in our to-do lists. Instead, they force us slow down, take a breather, and solely focus on one thing.
The biggest hurdle to showing love to our quality time men is…well…ourselves. Let me reiterate what I shared earlier: Time intentionally spent with your husband is not wasted. Your mind may be running one hundred miles a minute, but his will be focused on whatever it is you are doing together. And knowing that has made all the difference in my marriage.
I promise you that sacrificing productivity temporarily for loving our quality time men will pay off. We just have to be consistent in creating those times. And in the process, it’s a great opportunity for us to learn how to rest along with him!