My heart is heavy when I read about a couple struggling. The foundation of their marriage is starting to crumble and they’re asking themselves if pressing on is worth it. Struggles arise and they find it difficult to see past them. These things seem to snowball, and suddenly you don’t know how it got so bad. You simply feel hopeless.
I’ve seen plenty of dark nights in our marriage. My husband and I have faced struggles we weren’t sure how we’d overcome them. The fact is, hard times always come. The devil will always be after your marriage, so it’s your responsibility (and your husband’s) to not give him a foothold.
That’s all nice and dandy to tell you but clearly he’s found one. And it’s why you’re reading this today. You’re searching for hope. For guidance and for strength. I pray that you find it here.
When you’ve lost all hope, what do you do? Do you confide in someone? Do you throw in the towel? Though this may sound cliche or repetitive to you, the first thing to do is pray. Grab your Bible, get down on your knees and pray. Ask God to show you what to do. He knows your situation best of all. If you don’t hear anything, don’t be discouraged. Open your Bible into the Psalms and start there. I’ve found such hope and encouragement in the Psalms, and I’m sure you will too.
I will add on to this and say, do this often. Every day, if you can. Because the more time you spend in the Word, the more familiar you become with it. Your ears and heart will soften to His voice. Be diligent about this if you are serious about restoring your marriage. (And I don’t just mean from divorce. All marriages go through seasons and spurts but it is so important to always come back to each other and God.)
Now that you’re praying and studying, expand your prayers to include your man. Ask God to give Him wisdom and courage. Ask God to show your husband how much He cares. Our men go through so much. It’s a burden God designed for their shoulders, but a burden nevertheless. As his wife, it’s our job to lessen the weight, by being there for him, encouraging him, being a smile when he comes home.
There isn’t a time frame attached to these steps. But stay there as long as you need to. Let God rejuvenate you and comfort you.
The next step might seem daunting to you, or impossible, but don’t give up yet. Pursue your husband. You know him best, so decide on something he’ll like. Whether that means making his favorite meal or sneaking a special snack in his lunch, make an effort. Show him that you’re thinking of him and let him know that you want to spend some intentional time together.
When my son was about four and half months, our marriage began to be strained. I was exhausted. He was frustrated that he didn’t know how to help. I complained…too often. And he felt useless. It didn’t take long for our relationship to reach a point where something had to change. But we didn’t know what, so we felt hopeless. What did we do then? We determined to make time on the weekends for intentional time together. We went out and did something fun! Our son did have to come with us, but he napped most of the time we were out.
Sometimes what you need is a break from routine. Something exciting or different to shake things up. In our case, I rarely get out of the house. It can drive me crazy sometimes! So when we took that step to spend some intentional time together outside of our home, it made a world of difference for me.
I write this with the hope that you and your husband came to marriage for life. That divorce is not an option for you, and that you both will fight for each other. Obviously, there are certain situations that are exempt from this but I’m not addressing those today. But the biggest advice I can offer is this, don’t give up. Cling to God, the One who makes everything work for good for those who love Him. Keep praying, keep pursuing. Trust Him and know you aren’t the only one facing hard times. There are couples out there facing them too, but they may not show it or let on.
I’ve been where you are and I’m praying for you, dear one. Take courage that this won’t last forever. This too shall pass.