My husband’s love language is gifts. And, ironically, I call myself one of the worst gift-givers. My poor hubby.
It probably goes without saying then that our marriage faced a strain. It wasn’t easy for a few months. I tried to draw out of my husband what gifts had the greatest impact. Do you know what I discovered? Gifts, to him, had everything to do with the thought behind it. Had I been thinking of him? Was it something he had voiced a need for?
I had read the gifts chapter in Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, but since giving gifts was not a priority in my life prior to my husband I still felt very lost. I humbled myself before God and my man numerous times. I’ve asked forgiveness even more. Now, I believe I can say I have a grip on it. I’m starting to know what makes that part of my husband’s heart tick. But it hasn’t come easy. In fact, it’s taken a lot of determination and courage.
Are you in a similar situation? Do you have a husband or fiance with a love language you don’t know how to speak? Well, maybe I can help.
As I mentioned above, it’s important to find out from your significant other why gifts are important to them. Is it the thought? The gesture? The gift itself? Asking these questions will help you do better moving forward.
If they don’t have an answer for you right away (my man didn’t) that’s okay. But be sure to follow up, don’t let this slide! An individual’s love language is a part of who they are. Keeping their love tank full so that they feel cherished, is important. Would you like to not feel loved on a regular basis?
Start a List
Once you nail down the aspect of gifts that is important to your guy, we can move forward. Start keeping a mental list, or physical if that’s your thing, of anything he mentions he’d “like to have someday.” Or anything he really likes and enjoys. You need to stay on top of this! Oh, and of course, if your list is physical don’t let him find it.
Make a Plan
Next, look at the holidays and special occasions coming up. Make reminders for yourself of each, so you have plenty of time to come up with a plan. Remember, you don’t have to have an excuse to buy him something, but working with his birthday or your anniversary can help if you aren’t spontaneous (like me).
If your budget is tight, try to remember that showing your husband love doesn’t have to mean fireworks or something extravagant every time. It can mean the little things, the homemade things, or occasional special things. He wants to know you love him, and you don’t have to put on a show to do that. Furthermore, I encourage you to discuss with him a set amount for you to spend on him each month. Maybe whatever you don’t spend one month can roll into the next for a potentially bigger gift!
Make Him a Priority
You’ve asked questions, started a list, made a plan. Now it’s time to put these things into action! Get him something and think of a unique way to give it to him (or let him find it!). Once, I hid something in my husband’s guitar case. But he knew something was up, and after pulling his guitar out, he wouldn’t look to see what laid underneath. Ha! Get creative or give it to him after dinner.
But here’s a tip: don’t shower your man with a lot of gifts at once. I did this and then promptly forgot about planning something. My poor husband reached “empty” in his tank, and I felt horrible. Space out the gifts, and maybe add a few others to a special occasion, like a birthday or anniversary.
Still Lost for Ideas?
My husband loves practical gifts. He doesn’t want something to clutter up the house, he wants something he’ll use. I’ve gotten him books, CDs, DVDs, special snacks for work, etc. Things he’ll use and appreciate– granted the food doesn’t last the day. Hah! Don’t let yourself over think this, okay?
When it comes time to make a purchase, remind yourself of a few things. First, remember your list. Is this something he has said he wants? Second, is it in your budget? Third, is it something he will use? And finally, does this gift measure up with what your husband is seeking? Will this gift make him feel loved, special, and cherished? If you answer yes to all the above, you have nothing to worry about.
The heart of the matter is, your husband wants to feel loved. And even if you’re like me, you’ll find a way to do that. Give yourself grace in this period of growing! You’ll get the hang of it. What are some things or ways you can think of right now that would make him feel special today?