We have all had those moments. If we have been married for any length of time at all, we have all had those moments at one time or another when we look at our husbands and think they are the enemy.
Most likely we wouldn’t say it in so many words and perhaps we have never dared to even use that term in reference to our guys, but that feeling is nevertheless lurking in our hearts sometimes, whether we have ever realized it or not.
It’s there when we find our husband’s dirty socks on the floor and think, “Ugh, he is always fighting against my pursuit of a clean home!” or “He needs to step in and help me, not add to the overpowering monster that is the growing laundry pile!” That feeling is there when he lets the kids do something that we would not personally allow. That feeling that our husband is the enemy is there lurking when we look at our men and think, “Goodness, my life would be so much easier if he would or would not (fill in the blank)!
It’s a dangerous feeling because it is a feeling shrouded in mere frustration or, at times, selfishness or sometimes even in good and holy desires for a more Biblical life. We wouldn’t necessarily ever think – in so many words – that we are viewing our husbands as the enemy and the problem, but we are. When we think of how they stress us out or of how happy we would be if they simply changed in some way, we are viewing them as the enemy of our desires, our plans, our wants, our picture of the perfect life. But, sisters, hear me when I say – your husband is not the enemy.
What if your husband is abusive? Or steeped in infidelity? Or angry and hard to live with? Or lazy and a slob? He still is not the enemy here.
Before you think me insensitive or a complete idiot, hear me out! 🙂
The Real Enemy
In our culture in America today, we have largely lost the realization that Satan is still just as conniving and at work in our day as he was all the way back in the Garden of Eden. We fail to understand that we must “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.(1 Peter 5:8)” He is on the hunt. He is our adversary. He is actively seeking someone to destroy. And he is working right now in your husband’s life.
When your husband lets you down yet again or stumbles and falls into sin, it isn’t that he is not responsible for that. He is 100% responsible for his actions. But understand that that doesn’t mean he is the enemy you need to be fighting against. Because he isn’t. Satan is the one you need to be fighting against. He is the one tempting your husband, working tirelessly to keep him from God’s ways, seeking always to blind and distract him from God’s truth and His standards. Consider for a moment what Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:10-13:
“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.”
In her excellent book, Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer, Priscilla Shirer writes,
“If I were your enemy, I’d disguise myself and manipulate your perspectives so that you’d focus on the wrong culprit – your husband, your friend, your hurt, your finances, anything or anyone except me. Because when you zero in on the most convenient, obvious places to strike back against your problems, you get the impression you’re fighting for something. Even though all you’re really doing is just … fighting. For nothing.”
Sobering, isn’t it?
She goes on to say,
“And your enemy – for his strategy against you to work – is dead set on being able to succeed at just that. On fooling you. Faking you out. Pulling your eye toward a side stage on the theater platform, diverting your focus, trying to convince you that the main issues in your life actually originate over there, anywhere, or with anyone except where they really do. He wants you focused on things that are physical and visible instead of where the action really is. ‘Pay no attention’, in other words, ‘to the man behind the curtain.'”
To understand that reality is so eye-opening. It reminded me of C.S. Lewis’ book, The Screwtape Letters, where he so cleverly outlined ways in which the devil and his minions work to distract us from the Lord and keep us from following hard after Him.
This spiritual battle is going on right now in the mind and heart of your husband. And in our hearts, I might add!
So, the next time your husband annoys you or frustrates you or lets you down, be his advocate. Fight for him, not against him. He isn’t the enemy here. The adversary of our souls is, and he can be fought with the armor of God that Paul goes on to talk about further on in Ephesians 6 (vs. 14-18), which include such spiritual battle weapons as prayer, faith, and God’s Word.
For more encouragement in this area, I highly recommend the following resources and pray that they will equip you in your fight against the true enemy and encourage you in your walk with your husband.
- The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
- Fervent by Priscilla Shirer
- The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian
- 30 Day Praying for Your Husband Challenge from Revive Our Hearts