In my short 4 years of marriage, I quickly came to a sharp conclusion that my husband is not perfect. More recently I came to an even better conclusion that is completely freeing, my husband is not perfect and that’s okay.
Now ultimately I KNEW I wasn’t marrying a perfect man, but my actions and words could’ve said otherwise. I made sure to point out whenever he made a simple, daily mistake. What I thought was being “helpful” to ensure he wouldn’t make that mistake again was actually a pointed dig that was doing more harm than good.
Your husband is human. Humans fail and make mistakes. Let your husband fail.
Letting your husband fail means giving him a safe place to succeed and fail, and welcoming him with grace unconditionally. Husbands gladly takes the weight of the world on their shoulders to ensure his family is provided for and loved. Just imagine what would happen if we communicated to our husbands that we’re not always going to say or do the right thing, but this marriage is a safe place always filled with forgiveness and mercy. When this is communicated and actions follow the words, I guarantee you’ll begin to see the pressure melt away.
Wives, we have this incredible power to uplift our husband with God’s love when he feels the lowest. What to say and what to do are different in every situation, but here are three things to keep in mind the next time your husband drops the ball.
Think about his intent
This is a big one that has the power to instantly change your mood for the better. Our flesh drives us to immediately think that somehow our husbands meant to do this or he wasn’t trying hard enough not to. These thoughts come so fast and then the words just spill out.
Did he really mean to though? Did he mean to buy the wrong ingredient for dinner? Chances are he didn’t mean to. His intentions most likely came from a place of love. When we start to train our brain to think this way for the small, mundane hiccups in life, our attitude begins to change as well. This doesn’t change what happened and maybe that still needs to be addressed. Armed with thoughts of assuming the best, you will approach mistakes in a much more softer light.
Keep the gospel central
The Bible makes it very clear that marriage is designed to proclaim the gospel and symbolize God’s relationship with His church. God promises us unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and kindness. Isn’t it so easy emulate the gospel in your marriage when you’re both happy?! Especially in conflict though, we must keep the gospel central. If a friend were watching this exchange between you and your husband, would they see the gospel playing out?
Approaching small mistakes and mishaps with grace and quick forgiveness will only help you in the big storms you face in life. Begin a habit of showing the love of Jesus to your spouse through every interaction you have together. Soon, it will be almost impossible to harp on the small failures in everyday life.
Put yourself in his shoes
As much as we don’t like to admit it, we make just as many mistakes as our husbands do. We forget things, we miss appointments, we break things, we just plain mess up! We also hope for quick grace and kindness from the ones we offended. When we don’t receive that, or worse, get blasted, it stings.
Whenever I’m on the receiving end of someone else’s frustration, I can’t help but wonder if this is how my husband feels when I let the little things get the best of me. That’s enough conviction to knock you to your knees!
Before responding, put yourself in his shoes. If you made that mistake you would probably feel stupid, frustrated, and maybe even embarrassed. How would you want your husband to respond to you in this situation? As simple as it is, it goes back to the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. If you don’t want to be yelled at for missing a turn, don’t yell at him. If you want to move on from forgetting a meeting, let him move on from it. Whatever response you would like to receive is the response you should give to your husband.
Bottom line, what this all comes down to is don’t sweat the small stuff. We hear it all the time, but it’s SO HARD to put it into practice. My husband and I go through seasons where we do really well with this and seasons where just simply aren’t making it a priority. During those times it is working, other areas of our life seem to function much smoother and we are more in sync with each other.
Friends, we love our husbands with a big and fierce love! Show him that love through the good, bad, and ugly parts of life. Give him that safe place to be himself, imperfections and all. Address the small mistakes with grace and quick forgiveness. Keep the gospel a central focus in your marriage. With even the smallest shifts in the daily moments of marriage, there is an opportunity to see changes for a lifetime and that is where God is most glorified.
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